Halloween at Hellsing House
by warpedcolumbia
Summary: Halloween should be a happy time for our favorite vampires...but then we wouldn't have an unfortunate Alucard to laugh at!
1. Tarzan and Pain

*disclaimer: i don't own hellsing. duh. and i don't know if britain celebrates halloween like we filthy american peegs do...i just wanted to do a hellsing holiday fanfic, so, here you go...*  
  
Chapter One: The Queen's Halloween Ball.  
  
Alucard tied the strings on his Master's dress. Looking smug, he commented on Integra's choice of wardrobe: "Master, you look simply stunning. I didn't know you had it in you."  
  
Integra growled, a most uncharacteristic noise for her. Of course, this Halloween she was at her most uncharacteristic...  
  
In a frilly pink ballroom gown, complete with tiara and magic wand.  
  
Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing=Glinda, the Good Witch.  
  
Her Majesty was in for a laugh, Integra supposed. Why had she let Walter buy her costume? WHY? Now she was stuck in this inane masquerade for a whole night.  
  
However, Integra's demeanor was not altogether uncharacteristic. Her parting sentiments would have to be censored.  
  
*********  
  
Seras Victoria grinned as she walked down the Hellsing House staircase. Always one to get into the spirit of things, she had donned a loincloth and wig for tonight's Halloween festivities. And she had a special part for a certain vampire to play.  
  
"Hello, Master. Hello, Sir Integ-" Seras was cut off as she suppressed a series of giggles. Integra looked at her coldly. "Well, Master, aren't you going to get into the swing of things?"  
  
Alucard looked taken aback. "What are you talking about, Police Girl?"  
  
Integra smirked. "The Police Girl and I thought it would interesting if you celebrated Halloween this year, Alucard, being a creature of the night. In fact, I command it."  
  
Alucard was deeply regretting his earlier comments. "Then what torture will I be forced to endure? Bobbing for apples? Shelling out candy to little monsters? Carving pumpkins into faces?"  
  
"Why no, Master. You're going to play Tarzan to my Jane, of course."  
  
*soo, howdja like it? read and review if you want more...maybe something with WALTER?* 


	2. The Angel of Steel

I don't own Hellsing. uh-DUR!  
  
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"FASTER THEN A SPEEDING BULLET!!! MORE POWERFUL THEN A LOCOMOTIVE!!!! ABLE TO LEAP TALL BUILDINGS IN A SIN-"  
  
A very embarrassed and distraught Walter stopped in his tracks as he discovered two very amused vampires staring at him caustically, clad in matching loin cloths. Oh well, at least they couldn't make fun of him at least. But his little stint as the Man of Steel cost him a few ironic stares. Alucard, No Life King of the Jungle...oh this was priceless...  
  
Alucard soon jolted Walter from his thoughts, casually mentioning, "A single bound? I do think that a little overstated, Walter."  
  
Obviously shaken, Walter, however, managed to smirk. "Alucard of the Apes really has no room to talk, don't you agree, Ms. Victoria?" Seras returned the comment with a few well-placed giggles." Alucard's shoulders drooped slightly, but he attempted to hide his embarrassment, retorting, "Come, Police Girl. Let us leave Walter to his kryptonite."  
  
Very well, Alucard. Retreat while you still have the chance, Walter thought silently. He had much more pressing demands, anyway. Walter was on trick-or-treat duty this year, for the very few brave little children who came up to the Hellsing gates, hoping for a glimpse of the "haunted" house, and a bit of candy. Surprisingly, he enjoyed this task. It was Halloween at the Hellsing House, and Super Walter had a job to do.  
  
************************************  
  
Meanwhile, Integra was being miserable at Her Majesty's Ball.  
  
"Why, Sit Integra. You look quite...nice."  
  
"Thank you, Lady Brownington. Allow me to jab my shrimp cocktail in your eye."  
  
Actually, Integra muttered that last part under her breath.  
  
"What was that, Sit Integra?"  
  
"Your costume is also pleasing to the eye."  
  
"Oh, thank you." Lady Brownington turned away, a little confused, but still her perfectly mundane self.  
  
Integra sighed, leaning up against the wall as she lit up a cigar. This stupid, frilly pink dress is so...inane, she thought to herself. And its making me sweat like a pig!  
  
She continued on in this fashion, lost in her own thoughts. Not noticing the cigar ash cumulating before her feet, dangerously close to a cluster of paper pumpkins.  
  
Slowly, the decorations began to flame... 


End file.
